They left me alone. Not in the worst of senses but in the disastrous way that you can be unseen. It was not purposeful. They had jobs, they had lies, they had lovers. They had secrets, with all of this piled up on their heads it makes sense that they could see me behind the dust and dragons of their wretched soul.
I was often a dramatic child that would run and hide, from no one. I mean, no one is a person that can be everyone if you wait long enough so I would wait. Long enough to get someone unexpectedly and I would say the infamous words of my soul
“ You think you gonna get away.
It’s not going to work
No one can escape, not even if they wanted too and I learnt this young and I learnt this hard. You had to make your own way out and if you wished to escape, you would probably be trapped in something else sooner or later or just right way you started. That is the spiral of my soul. It runs only to find itself back where it started, they made this into a movie with the fantastic Bill Murray but it is not as tiresome as one imagines, it is sort of trick that you must play. There is no right way to be only your way and thus you must ask yourself that tiresome question. “ What is your way?” You stare blank faced at the mirror because you have never been taught or asked that question before. No one ever asked what you wanted, so I will propose it rather differently
“What wouldn’t you do?”
“ What are you afraid of?”
You stare back at me. Bewildered that someone had the nerve to ask you your fear. Someone named no one and this someone always sat reflecting you. Some called it a reflection but you preferred to understand it as a shadow.
What a tiresome way to wake up in the morning and so one morning you decided to never do it again. You put on the cloak, and the helmet to protect you from the infrawaves and sat out on the street corner asking passer-by the question you were too afraid to ask yourself and you hoped that someone would stop and give you an answer. No one ever did. No one just walked by. Wondering why there was a no-body asking stupid questions that no one had the answers too.
Photography by Sophia Yuet See.