Categories
Confessions

Incomplete Kisses

How was it to be with you?  

    To feel you, touch me, slowly. I had imagined your tenderness and dreamt of your desire. You were sweet, compassionately cultivated in design and texture, a bottomless treasure that I had the opportunity to explore. It was similar to the dimensionality of your soul. Curiously scented and darkly lit.

You let me in.

We moved through embraces, holding each other with a gentle care. I wanted you erotically but we held each other platonically. You wanted to be touched. I wanted to be soothed.

The comfort of my body eased your formative blues while the pleasure of your heart next to mine honeyed my loneliness.  It was perfectly synced. I had been anticipating you for a while and I had wanted you for longer. 

Your physicality changed me.

I wanted you, furiously. Bubbling and churning, I played with the silence that lived in my head. Your presence did not disturb or disrupt but created vibrations. I followed them like trails of breadcrumbs.  I wanted to chase.

I explored the crevices of your words like my own reflection. Succumbing to the gentle waves of your oblivious nature, with a smile. Your fragrance was rare; sentimentally creative, it willed me to stay. Your mind was naïve with all the right curves and honest determination of abstract concepts. I swivelled and danced along the mischievous lines of your smile, like a hungry fox in city streetlights. You were like no other. I wanted to blow through you like a savage, it stalked the back of my mind as swarms of desire swam to the front. I wished to hold the burden of you like a stick of dynamite. Freeing to explore but deadly to engage.  

I put up no fight; I wanted you to taste me, take me.

For a while.

I wanted the grooves of your body to create pulses of pleasure and I wanted the figments of your thrashes to play on my mind, on moon-filled nights. I remember something entirely different now; the soothing nature of your soul and the binding feeling of safety. My natural inclination to hide lasted as long as you wished to seek. There was no game, only sincerity.  I appreciated this more than I could speak.

I wanted you before we met. I was wet.

I had desired you long before my broken heart had left prolific craters to be filled. I had remembered your touch as generous and I wanted to move with your nectar once again. The touch of your desire was used to create a pounding moment of satisfaction. I reached over, playing with your teeth- desiring your bite. It was deeper than I anticipated.

I could feel your sweat and your incessant grinding. You were delicious; my mind stayed clear. I wanted to stay and play, to scream and find new ways of understanding an ancient embrace.

I did not converge with you, my memory perceptions of previous embraces created a dangerous tempest. I relished you, with a ravenous hunger that soothed raw images into condensed visions. I was not afraid. A dangerous desire existed within me; our union tickled it alive – whispering into your ear, I pleaded for you to take me. I begged with an authenticity that was surprising. I could have played with you again, but fear moved along my face and found roots in my eyes. Could you see it?

You were tempting, a rich treat that I was scared to taste further.

Your body became extra-terrestrial, a strange composition of curves and hips. I craved you. Yet my body moved into the shadows and my heart was long gone.

We met again, you were familiar.

I had tasted another that night, but I wanted to feel you.

The silence that you allowed, whispered the unspeakable. Stay.  It was intimate but the shallowness of my fear had begun to settle. You swayed deeper and I ran faster. My mind stretched above, I wanted the distance of pornographic pleasure. I wanted to be held but your arms whispered words of entwinement. The intensity of your grip was charming but further stimulation for my long distance run. My eyes flickered along your face. I wanted to see it all, how your face configured and found pleasure through the movements of our coupling. The undeniable curling of your lips and the flickers of your eyes, I sneaked a peak through the curtains of my unease.

You were a sweet remedy.

A genuine soul is the perfect medicine for a broken heart but you were something else entirely. You were tantalising, unlike the others. I desired to know you. Yet I wished to forget the aroma of your skin along with the embellished crater you left on my heart.

I ran.

I wanted to stay but the pitiful nature of my soul slipped into the day. I played on the goodbye, kissing your joints of motion: your writs, your forehead, your lips, and your hair. Tenderly soothing myself into the goodbye, I fingered your soul to chase. No bite.

Smudges of romanticism hewed your face and smell. You were a reassuring truth that I hoped would fade. I wondered who would take your place.

Photography by Chiara Mancini

Categories
Poetry

Fortitudes of Woman

Fortitudes of Woman

I am grander than you know

Larger than you assume

I am humble, but you have underestimated this too.

I am quite, not because, I have no words

But what I need to say, cannot be spoken,

I have tried.

But my passion was seen as weakness

My nobility as stuckupness

I have been misunderstood

But I do not blame you

What are you to know;

That my power lies in what you cannot control

Yet try to mould.

Try and bondage me

You begin with my feet

Paint my eyes,

Numb my mind

Buy your beauty here,

It is free

Just give me your sanctity

Give me the reality; that tells you that you will be pleased.

.

Listen to me,

I am MAN

HU-MAN

You are WO-man

You are ME

Made from my ribs,

I allow you to live

In pretty gowns

Pretty in Pink

Pretty for you

Cover yourself, I may take you.

Have you whole

Please myself

Sucking on your nectar

Digging into your cosmic well

Thrusting agonies of my own personal tale.

Until you let go

Until the dark space entails

That what exists is this

Not you.

Although I come through the portal you hold between your being

I tell you to kneel

Kneel to me WO-MAN

Swallow me whole,

As I have swallowed you.

.

You are a rhythm I am trying to tune

Your freedom lies in what I place in front of you

Choose wisely,

You have a knife to cut

A paint to brush

A pen to write

And a dress to untie 

Choose wisely.

The prior three are also for me,

It is only the dress you truly own.

.

I dawned my best attire

Wrote myself into a slumber

Painted myself a masterpiece and cut myself a new door

I know your options but I want more,

I want you

To know my truth

Life is for the living

Woman or Man I stand to know

That the weakness you perceive,

Is only my growth

It was my silence that allowed you to believe, that the shadow you bespoke was an item I wished to retain

I stepped out from under your shadow

From under your gaze

The one who told me, I was second place.

I entered a blurry haze, a space with frequencies and opening gates

I found the moon,

Darkness swoons.

It is she who sets me ablaze

To the knowledge that was forbidden

That laid hidden

That I am the same as you.

.

You cannot tame, what is unafraid of your minute game

I do not need to believe your truth,

Masculine and feminine exists within the source

It is that which calls me home

That gives me the tools to inherit my throne,

Take my body if you will

But my mind is a kaleidoscope you can never unwind or unsee

The magnitudes of the spectrum is what sets me free

It is also because of this, you wish to chain me

With white ribbons of silk,

Your weakness is your simplicity,

Mine is my infinity

Sometimes it is hard to see

Especially when blind-folded and moulded to believe

Your penis is my goal

Your pleasure my aim

My no and my murmurs fall on death ears

And I abide to your come here.

I watch myself disappear

I see myself swallowed by the bed

Hear all the words that cannot be said

My whimpers forever in my head

I pick up my clothes

I walk to the door,

My virginity gone,

My understanding- on hold.  

My womanhood- on the way.

I let the rain cleanse me

Watch it wipe me away

Dance out my aches

The pain stays

I create with it

When I find my mind

When I find you

The eternal love of life and form

That tells me these words

That gives me this strength

To say,

Although you took my body,

You did not leave me dead

You made me stronger instead.

You made me realise that my power and control

Lies in knowing I am whole

That I home, that I am true

Paradoxical in name,

My reality-my perception lies in what you can not claim.

WO-MAN….  WO-MAN….  WO-MAN…. 

What do you hear?

What do you see?

I hear the power of infinity

I see beauty

I see you and me

Staying silent will not set us free

Staying silent only allows our creativity to stay in the make-believe

Create with me

Create with us

The power of WO-MAN

Is the power of life

Stand tall

This is our fight

For without me there would be none of your kind

I am not blind,

I can see

The power of us together

Is power of better.

This piece is a collaboration with aNother moNKey