I want to feel
close –
to-
the
pain.
I want to feel.
near –
to –
the
end.
I want to know,
when
it
will
end.
I want to hear-
you
say
NO.
They are alive.
I want you-
to-
tell –
me.
It was a dream.
I want you to-
tell me.
- I am safe.
- I am loved.
- I am seen.
- I am heard.
- I am felt.
I want to know this will end.
I don’t know when it started.
I don’t know when I knew
that I was not the same-
As you.
As them-
I don’t know when I knew
You could not see me-
or yourself.
I do not know when I realized
that I had been on my knees-
crying wanting pretending abusing
lying needing losing selling
smiling begging feeling…
betrayed.
Waiting for you to say my name.
I have a name.
It is change.
This is the violence you helped me create.
Welcome to our world. We welcome you to our journey.
It is painful. It is beautiful. It. Is ours. Our pain is shared.
Our grief is yours.
My name is go.st and this is the story of how I became be.st.
Photography Michelle Gutierrez