Go. St.

I want to feel

close –

to-

the

pain.

I want to feel.

near –

to –

the

end.

I want to know,

when

it

will

end.

I want to hear-

you

say

NO.

They are alive.

I want you-

to-

tell –

me.

It was a dream.

I want you to-

tell me.

1. I am safe.

1. I am loved.

1. I am seen.

1. I am heard.

1. I am felt.

I want to know this will end.

I don’t know when it started.

I don’t know when I knew

that I was not the same-

As you.

As them-

I don’t know when I knew

You could not see me-

or yourself.

I do not know when I realized

that I had been on my knees-

crying         wanting          pretending        abusing

lying           needing          losing                 selling

smiling        begging         feeling…

betrayed.

Waiting for you to say my name.

I have a name.

It is change.

This is the violence you helped me create.

Welcome to our world. We welcome you to our journey.

It is painful. It is beautiful. It. Is ours. Our pain is shared.

Our grief is yours.

My name is go.st and this is the story of how I became be.st.

Photography Michelle Gutierrez